1,000 or So Space Marine Chapters

Humor: Previews Volume 1: The Space Marines!
by Alex McLaren


The Blue Space Marines are like, the best Space Marines ever! They're Blue and they're Space Marines! They like to follow rules just like Cub Scouts so they don't have any super powers or special units but they do have a guy with two big fists and a lot of bling. That makes them the best! � Sneak Preview of Codex Blue Space Marines

Unlike the Blue Space Marines, the Red Space Marines flip ALL THE TIME! When they're not dressing in gold body suits or exchanging bodily fluids with their brothers they're just flipping out and running forward screaming. Sometimes some of them do a total flip out and become Super Black Red X Space Marines. Super Black Red X Space Marines have SUPER POWERS! � Sneak Preview of Codex Red Space Marines

The Green Space Marines have a terrible, dark secret that I'm not going to tell you. Because it's terrible. And dark. And SECRET. You see this one time the Emperor and the Boss Green Space Marine were in Tiajuana and they were doing tequila shots and the next thing you know� WAIT! You almost tricked me into telling the Dark Terrible Secret! Let's just say that the Boss Green Space Marines like to wear dresses and hang out with midgets. And the Big Green Space Marines like to wear feathers. Then there's the naked water polo. OK. That's all I'm saying� You can draw your own conclusions. � Sneak Preview of Codex Green Space Marines

The Grey Space Marines like to drink beer and wear a lot of leather. They also like hunting and fishing and riding Harleys and watching college football. They think the Blue Space Marines are wimps and question the lifestyle choices of the Green Space Marines. And they have super powers. No one knows why anyone plays anything but Grey Space Marines. � Sneak Preview of Codex Grey Space Marines

Unlike other Space Marines, the Black Space Marines really, really, like the Emperor. They like him with every part of their body, even their pee-pees. They, like, want to have a million of the Emperor's babies. That's how much they like him. Black Space Marines all have super powers! � Sneak Preview of Codex Black Space Marines

A long time ago the Space Emperor gave some Space Marines a very important job to protect his Space House. But the Bad Space Marines came and made a big mess and the Space Emperor had to go out and yell at the Bad Space Marine Boss himself. After that he got very (x2) mad at the Space Marines who let him down and made them wear yellow forever and ever as a sign of how uncool they are. Since that day they have been known as the Yellow Space Marines. � Sneak Preview of Codex Yellow Space Marines.

This one time the Green Guys attacked the Blue and Red Space Marines' Space House so the Blue and Red Space Marines sent a Space Rocket to kill all the Green Guys but the Space Rocket was no good so it blew up the Blue and Red Space Marines' Space House. Everyone thought this was funny except for the Blue and Red Space Marines because they had to march around and fight a fight in an old farm and stuff. They got real, real mad and waved their Big Fists in the air and yelled a lot until the Green Guys got real, real scared and left. A lot of people get confused with the Blue Space Marines and the Blue and Red Space Marines but you can tell the difference because the Blue and Red Space Marines are blue and red but the Blue Space Marines are blue. The Blue and Red Space Marines Boss is Mr. Cortez but he's very, very ugly and no one likes him so the Blue Space Marines didn't let him in the Big Space Marine Book. � Sneak Preview of Codex Blue and Red Space Marines

The White Space Marines like to ride their bikes through town on gay Sunday afternoons and feel the spring breeze through their hair. When they ride their bikes through the town all the ladies come to their windows and wave their perfumed handkerchiefs at the White Space Marines and their well-groomed mustaches. The White Space Marines wave back to them in a gentlemanly manner. But� when the Black Space Marines try to move into the neighborhood and start bothering the White Space Marines' womenfolk they get angry. They put on their starched white hoods and got learn them Black Space Marines some manners. They say someday a Black & White Space Marine on a Black & White Bike will come and make peace between the Black Space Marines and the White Space Marines. � Sneak Preview of Codex White Space Marines

Unlike other Space Marines, the Shiny Space Marines, really, really hate the Space Demons. They want to hunt the demons and kill them their Pointy Sticks and special magic Guns of Space Demon Killing. Unlike other Space Marines they are very (x2) rare which is why you can only have fifty (50) of them in your army. � Sneak Preview of Codex Shiny Space Marines

Unlike other Space Marines the Marines in Black really (x2) hate the Space Aliens. They, like, want to watch the death of the all the Space Aliens. This why sometimes they are called the Guys Who Like to Watch Death. Some people confuse them with the Black Space Marines, the Other Black Space Marines, the Flying Black Space Marines and the Bionic Space Marines. But they're different. They're the Marines in Black. You can tell because their guns have super powers and because they have one silver sleeve. That's one silver sleeve each of course. Not like, one silver sleeve for the whole army. That would be silly. � Sneak Preview of Codex Marines in Black

The Gold Space Marines are Super Secret Special. Only Cool People can play Gold Space Marines. That's why we don't sell Gold Space Marines, because they are special. To unlock Gold Space Marines you must win five Grand Tournaments using Orks, Tau, Swordwind Space Elfs, Thousand Sons and Kroot. In that order. Then we will give you a Special Army Box with Gold Space Marines and a Special Codex written on unphotocopyable paper. Then everyone will know you are a Cool Person Who Can Play Gold Space Marines. � Sneak Preview of Codex Gold Space Marines

Although there are only 1000 Space Marine Chapters in the universe we probably will not be able to make rules for all of them. The following chapters will not be getting rules:

  • The Emperor's Butter Knives
  • The Angry Bald Men
  • Chapters II and XI
  • The Disgruntled Postal Workers
  • The Emperor's Second Cousins
  • The Really, Really Loyal Guys Who'll Never Turn to Chaos (they are covered in Codex Chaos Space Marines)
  • The Blood Warriors of Bloodskull XXXIV (note: the Blood Warriors of Bloodskull XXXVI will be getting a full codex and new models)

You can expect rules and new models for all the other chapters though. Because of this the updated Ork Codex will not be done until 2053. We regret any inconvenience this may cause. � Sneak Preview of Codex The Rest of the Chapters



Created by: system. Last Modification: Sunday 25 of January, 2009 12:59:16 PM EST by ZiggyQubert.

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