Awesome Put Downs

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Awesome Put Downs

Postby Arash » Tue Apr 27, 2010 4:15 pm

I have been waiting for someone to formulate my hatred of Austen so precisely as Twain did.
واعظان کاین جلوه محراب و منبر میکنند چون بخلوت میروند، آن کار دیگر میکنند

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Re: Awesome Put Downs

Postby mattbird » Tue Apr 27, 2010 4:35 pm

I thought that book she wrote with the zombies was pretty cool, actually.
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Re: Awesome Put Downs

Postby VectorAWX3 » Tue Apr 27, 2010 4:40 pm

These are better:

Here are 10 of the best political comebacks in history, as they've been passed down in the political lore.

1. British Prime Minister Winston Churchill is said to have been drinking at a party when he bumped into Bessie Braddock, a prudish political opponent. "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk," Braddock said.

"And Bessie, you are ugly," Churchill said. And then, after a pause, he added: "I'll be sober in the morning."

2. There's also the story about Churchill's encounter with Lady Nancy Astor, who told him: "If you were my husband, I would poison your coffee."

"If you were my wife," Churchill replied, "I would drink it."

3. American presidency scholar Richard Norton Smith likes to cite a campaign-trail exchange between Stephen Douglas and Abraham Lincoln. Douglas claimed that Lincoln had been selling whiskey when they first met.

Lincoln made no attempt to dispute the charge. He agreed that he once worked as a storekeeper. "Many a time have I stood on one side of the counter," he said, "and sold Mr. Douglas whiskey on the other side."

4. In 1921, Agnes Macphail became the first woman elected to the Canadian House of Commons. Not all of her colleagues welcomed her. One tried to embarrass her by asking, "Don't you wish you were a man?"

"No," Macphail replied. "Don't you?"

5. When Huey Long was governor of Louisiana, he supposedly told then-Texas Governor James "Pa" Ferguson: "If there had been a back door at the Alamo, there wouldn't have been a Texas."

"But there there was a back door -- and that's why there's a Louisiana," Ferguson said.

6. Sen. Henry Clay of Kentucky and Sen. Daniel Webster of Massachusetts were sitting outside a Washington hotel when, according to legend, a man walked by with a pack of mules. "Clay, there goes a number of your Kentucky constituents," Webster said.

"Yes," Clay replied, "they must be on their way to Massachusetts to teach school."

7. Then-Sen. Fritz Hollings (D-S.C.) once found himself in an elevator with the diminutive -- but self-assured -- then-Sen. John Tower (R-Tex.), who puffed out his chest to show off the expensive suit he'd just purchased. "What do you think?" Tower asked.

"It's very nice, but does it come in men's sizes?" Hollings replied.

8. During a 1986 debate agsinst Hollings, challenger Henry McMaster asked his opponent to take a drug test.

"I'll take a drug test if you'll take an IQ test," Hollings responded.

9. In the 5th century B.C., Alcibiades debated his uncle, the Greek orator Pericles. "When I was your age, Alcibiades, I talked just the way you are now talking," Pericles said.

"If only I had known you, Pericles, when you were at your best," Alcibiades said.

10. John Wilkes, an 18th-century political reformer, was involved in a particularly angry exchange with John Montagu, the Fourth Earl of Sandwich, who said to Wilkes, "Sir, I do not know whether you will die on the gallows or of the pox!"

Wilkes responded, "That, sir, depends on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
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Re: Awesome Put Downs

Postby AndyP » Tue Apr 27, 2010 4:57 pm

Probably a myth, but this one tickles me.

Churchill: Madam, would you sleep with me for five million pounds?
Socialite: My goodness, Mr. Churchill! Well, I suppose
Duncan: I don't think you really comprehend the enthusiasm many people have for all things Potter.
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Re: Awesome Put Downs

Postby Arash » Tue Apr 27, 2010 5:03 pm

Well in that vein. How about this one-

"I have only two regrets: I didn't shoot Henry Clay and I didn't hang John C. Calhoun."

Andrew Jackson
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Re: Awesome Put Downs

Postby allanmcnab » Wed Apr 28, 2010 10:20 am

another Churchill

Samuel Hoare (British foreign secretary at the time) had just concluded a secret pact with the french minister, giving Ethiopia to the Italians. When it became public it was particularly embarrassing to His Majesty's govt. as they had publicly been condemning Italy for their war in Ethiopia.

Churchills response
"If there is anything more useless than sending Coals to Newcastle, it's sending (W)Hoares to Paris."
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